Yo, what is up kids? I'm DJ Lernin S. Funn. I'm here to let you all know about a very important thing: you! I will tell you all about your body, dogs, and what makes you you. Get ready for a lot of fun and a lot of knowledge.
I'm The Guy in the Bed. Through my wacky antics, you'll come to understand why you need all the biological parts we'll be talking about today. Look for this color of green to symbolize inspired zaniness.
Well, let's get down to business. Time for some hardcore science, but don't worry. It's my mission in life to make sure you get all the benefits of a crusty old high school biology teacher without all the oldness or crustiness. Besides, I'm hip. You can trust me.
| First we have that old organic favorite, the liver.
You straight up G's may notice that the liver's tongue is
all wiggin' out like mad, hilariously. This is because we
all spend a little too much time drinking rum; our livers
can't handle that much alcohol, yo! It's up to us to
encourage non-tongue-wagglin' livers. That's the straight
dope, my friend. Now, seriously, what does the liver do? It looks around with its bright white eyes and sneezes a lot. If you eat any type of seafood, your liver is right there with a big helping of lemon twist to add zing to your meal. Count on your liver, man. He's legit O.G. |
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| Man, it sure is lonely here on the bed all by myself. Sometimes, I wish that I could fit a ladyfriend on this bed, but it's too narrow. Maybe some of those loyal DDI readers can chip in and buy the guy on the bed a new bed to be the guy on. Preferably one made to fit two. |
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Don't doubt me, man. Just cause you're the one in
power doesn't mean you have to keep me down. Just step
off and respect. That's what you can say to the Man and to the rib, shown on the left, Holmes. Don't let anybody trod on you, just like the noble rib. When the rib feels likes it's been wronged, it doesn't just lay down and die. Oh h*ck no. It tosses back some shots for courage, which you should learn about from your parents, and it kicks some Grade-A marinated behind, yo. Don't step to the rib if you can't handle the beatin'. That is, the beating it will give you. It's pointy. |
| Crap, I think I've got about eight bedsores. If I could reach my shoes, I'd go find a mirror and see how badly they're inflamed. It hurts to move but it hurts more to sit still. This is worse than the time I got lockjaw from my hamster. Maybe if you hadn't encouraged me to never leave the bed, this wouldn't have happened. I hold you personally responsible. |
| Oh, you bet look out now! It's the colon! This is not your average organ, kid. This is the real deal. The 2bad, 2glad grail of "good gawd we're in for a treat now!". Of course, that don't mean much when you're living hand-to-mouth like DJ Lernin, whose taking any gig he can to get a higher profile. Who cares if they're not paying you? Who cares if the man who hired you spent the whole time on the phone laughing? DJ Lernin was a legitimate artist once, d*rn*t, and he will be again! Lernin S. Funn, yo. Watch that name. It's gonna be taking the Top 40 charts by storm! I was Backstreet before there was a Street to go Back to. Stupid colon. | |
| I had some Rice Krispies Treats I was going to eat but now I've lost them. I think I feel them by my toes but that could just be the microwave burrito wrapper. Man, I hate those microwave burritos so much. I warm them up underneath my body, but the center is always still frozen. I even place it fold down. What's the point of instructions if they don't even work? Don't eat burritos, kids. Eat your parents. |  |
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| When I was younger, I got out of bed one day and went outside to play. While I was innocently burying ants in my sandbox, a coyote walked up and grabbed my head in its mouth. Then it carried me around town. Finally, the coyote found a smaller kid and started carrying him around instead of me. I went home and got in bed and swore never to leave it again. That's the main reason I can never do laundry. | Check yourself, fools! We're lunging into the home
stretch with the lung, which wears glasses to see where
it is flying. Whenever your lung goes by, you can grab it
and ride it to Montevideo. All lungs flock to Montevideo,
dawgs. It's the place to be representin'. Yo. Whee. Don't smoke cigarrettes, folks. Yo lungs cannot stand it. Cigarrettes make it hard for them to fly because the smoke covers up their glasses and they start to crash into things. Your lungs want you to use narcotics intravenuously. Especially into your eye, yo, because your lungs can tell you where you're going. That's the whole reason they got glasses. |
| Appendix? What the Hell? Appendix? Is that some sort of bread? What do you want me to say about the appendix? I don't think I have one, *******. I don't think you've got one either ****** and I know your mama didn't have one. Like ****. You think you're bad ************? You think you've got the ***** to handle the guy on the bed? You better start praying cause I'm getting off this bed and kicking your ***. | Yo yo yo, Lernin S. Funn bringing it into the pit stop with a full head of steam and a desire for snacks, keepin it real all day long and all night. My appendix is fit to burst spleen-style because I have to tell you about the most important organ in all of your body, yo, and that's the true representin, deez toes remittin appendix, which is the reason you're smart enough to spell your name. Without your appendix, all you could do is chew on your fingernails. If all you could do is chew on your fingernails, you couldn't watch television. What kind of a life would that be? The Middle Ages. Exactly. That's why if somebody wants to take out your appendix, you should rip out their appendix and force them to be your finger-picking servant. True dat, DJ Lernin S. Funn! Check out my new album Deuteronomy, What What?? coming soon from my personal record label Keepin' It Soooo Badd. Props to DDI Family for tappin me and props to my mom and my infernal lord Scragaloo-yu! |
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There stands on the edge of the sand
a little castle.
Inside of the little castle of sand
a crab lives.
It likes to walk a funny way
And eat shrimp a funny way
And dance around a funny way
But it doesn't like you
not even a lil bit.
