Take a good hard look at Todd Delzinko.

Now, you're probably, first, thinking that whoever made that collage is a good collage maker and, second, that there might be something wrong in Todd Delzinko's head. Something like he is desperately crying for attention or his brain doesn't work. You won't be seeing his tragic story on Dateline or 60 Minutes, either, because he is dead. However, do not fear that this story has no closure. It has the most closure possible besides the death thing.

See, just a few days before his death, Todd Delzinko put childish things away. He forever shut himself off from the wacky and zany things that had previously marked him for a loser. In turn, he developed anti-social tendencies and an even duller personality that made him a different kind of loser. To be brief, Todd Delzinko became a man.

What happened here? What sort of Bildungsroman scripted itself in the typically mundane and boring life of Todd Delzinko? Normally, we would never know. Todd never wrote in his journal after the 7th grade (and it was all bad poetry anyway) and his friends usually forgot every event involving him immediately after it occurred. However, the miracle of modern technology has triumphed again. We have photographs of Todd Delzinko becoming a man.

DDI Family and Narcotics Division contacted esteemed photograph decipherer Talbot Mulhardy. Unfortunately, he was dead. Then DDIFND called our old friend Bernard Hurt, but he was missing and his office space had been condemned. Finally, we remembered the old DDI adage: "In-house talent is best because it's cheap." Its truth would never again be more evident.

For this task, we assembled the most elite employees available. Luckily for us, our first three choices were gathered around the water cooler, chatting idly. So, we present proofreader extraordinaire Jackson Blaine, marketing uberkind Annabelle Targon and the master of accounting, Televar the Deluded Sycophant (that's not really his last name). For their conclusions about the incident in which Todd Delzinko the boy ceased to exist, click here. If you don't care, we don't either. Have some bourbon.