What really lead to the deaths of Chad Waddell and Todd Delzinko?

Reports surfaced around the beginning of the summer of 2000 indicating that Chad Waddell and Todd Delzinko's respective demises had not occurred as reported. Immediately, DDI's crack staff leapt into action. While vice-executive Jimmy House oversaw the home office and played Freecell, Fritz Delzinko and Jackson Blain confirmed that Todd remained in his vegetative state at the hospital. Since no one knows where Waddell's final resting place is, the only available course fo action was hiring outside the firm.

Jimmy House called up one of his old college friends, the enigmatic Bernard Hurt, owner of Bernard Hurt Private Investigations, and contracted the search for Chad Waddell's true fate to Hurt's agency at 300% the going rate. Hurt said that he would also look into Todd Delzinko's death, on the off chance the Delzinko who suffered brain death was a clone or an evil twin or something.

"There's a man out there that nobody can find. There's a dark, mysterious stranger who knows too much and can't be stopped. He triumphantly straddles his enemies and forces them to comply with his wishes because the alternative would be too devastating for even the most powerful people on the planet. They know they can't stand before the full magnitude of a Hurt PI assault, and they quiver in fear at the mere mention of his name. Instead, people must say they have been maimed or injured; how can one man have so much impact on the language used between peers? He must be the top of the heap. He must be willing to scrape the bottom of the barrel. He must, in short, be Bernard Hurt, Investigator Extraordinaire. Nobody can touch him, but he has his hand deep in all of their pies. At the same time. Don't make us put [a] Hurt on you." - ad copy for Bernard Hurt Private Investigations

June 3rd, 10:40 AM

I was sitting in my office, poring over old files, when there was a timid knock on the door. Immediately, I slid the old files under my desk and threw a nearby moldy sandwich into my Gap trashcan that I got free with a Hawaiian short suit that I bought there four months ago. I swallowed a hot gulp of club soda from the flask I kept concealed in my coat pocket and opened the door.

"Hey, Hurt," said my old nemesis Jimmy House. I could tell he wanted something and it made my soul tingle in anticipation. Finally, I would have a chance to show the House who was the better man.

"Hey, House," I replied calmly. I wanted another shot of club soda, but I didn't dare let the House know I was weak. "What's up, man? What do you need the tres elite services of Bernard Hurt PI for?"

"Listen, man," the House said, and he sat in my chair. Anger flared up, and I nearly thrashed him then, but level-headedness prevailed. Jimmy, despite being a horrible monster, was always good for a case. He continued to speak, "Apparently, the business I'm currently working for has misplaced somebody who was supposed to be dead, and now they need the best to find them. I don't know the best, but I do know you, so you should be good enough. It takes a special kind of person to know the House, you know, because I just have this aura that frightens a lot of people away; they feel the primal nature of what the House is. They know..."

The House kept talking, but I knew all I needed to know. I'd heard Jimmy had gone soft and gotten steady employment, but I didn't believe it until i heard it from his mouth. Having established, I knew immediately that I was better than the House and I had all the cards in my hand.

While I processed this information, the House had lapsed into silence. He looked at me quizzically, and I returned his gaze with stony eyes. The House refused to make eye contact.

"Are you okay, Hurt? You seem a little bit nutty." The House asked me. He was afraid. I had him!

"Just thinking about your case. I'm pretty sure my calendar is open. Tell me the details." I responded coldly.

Jimmy House went on and on about the case, but I knew I could always figure out the details of the case later. Instead of taking notes, I savored my victory over the insufferable Jimmy House. Finally, Hurt was triumphant! Take that Jimmy!

After a lengthy lecture, the House wandered away. It was time for me to get down to business. First, I'd need to contact my sources. I realized I didn't have any sources so I called my mother.

"Mother," I said, "I need you to tell me everything you know about Chad Waddell and Todd Deslinko. Don't hold anything back; this line is secure."

"Bernard, dear, I've never even heard those names," Mother answered. I could hear a nervous quiver in her voice. I bit my lip; I always hated pressing people.

"Listen to me," I finally replied, my voice grim. "You need to take the key to your heart, and bare your soul wide because I'm all that stands between you and a world of pain."

The phone clicked. Someone had gotten to my mother. Someone wouldn't let her tell me what she knew. I realized that, with this case, I might have gotten myself in a little too deep; however, my enemies would soon find themselves in a world of Hurt.

The investigation begins... in earnest?