The greatest work of living single-celled legend Orbephat the Evil Ameba

When Acquisitions told me we got the four unpublished Orangehead strips from Orbephat the Evil Ameba, I passed out from shock. My pacemaker is on the fritz and every time I attempt to perform some physical activity, like pick up the phone to answer Acquisitions, I am electrocuted. This is because DDI decided that, in lieu of health insurance, it would buy its employees five dollar gift certificates to Baskin Robbins. Mine had already expired when it was given to me. I'm not your typical DDI employee though; I'm a contract worker. I'm 87, I've got two replacement hips, my spine has a steel rod in it, my eye has a cataract, and I invested my life savings in this company because I guess I went insane for a few months. My name is Millard Providence Boil and I am the first person to be screwed by Delzinko's Dead Inc.

Now, you'd think I'd be unhappy about squandering my life savings to buy Fritz Morcheeba Delzinko Legos and Jimmy House liquor and Legos, but I'm not. You see, back in 1974, I read a very special comic strip. It was called Orangehead and it was by a fellow named Orbephat. It ran for two days and then stopped, mysteriously. I was devastated. In those two days, Orangehead changed my life. I desperately searched for more installments, but none were forthcoming. I hunted down publishers and bigwigs in the industry and I asked them about Orangehead. When they didn't know anything, I railed against them. In one instance I am not proud of, an executive had to be arrested and charged with assault and battery for beating me within an inch of my life. My life soured beyond repair, I began to spend all day prowling around my house, searching vainly through all the periodicals of the world every day with the tiniest hope I would be greeted once more with Orangehead. There were imitators, but none captured the brilliance, the evocative evaluation of reality and all we hold dear that was the hallmark of Orangehead. I wept for lost innocence. I had been turned, and I could never look back. I could never go home again.

However, thanks to DDI, all my dreams have come true. The lost four episodes of Orangehead are here, on this very webpage. The wait is over. Sure, DDI cost me my health and my wealth and now I live underneath Jimmy House's gigantic desk, but all is well. I can die with no regrets. First, we will present the initial 1974 comics, ripped from our never-updated sister site deaddelzinko.tripod.com:

Oooh. Tingles. I feel just like I did the first time I read them. Well, not exactly the same because I can't really make them out with my good eye, but you know what I mean. Now, finally, after almost 30 years, the Orangehead story will be complete with the next four comics. The legacy will finally be fulfilled and receive the accliam it deserves. Goosebumps. My pacemaker is acting up again even as I lean forward to read the next four strips.

Oh man. I... I can't even live anymore. I am overwhelmed. Thank you, Orangehead. Whatever comes next... I go to it... with total peace in my heart and mind... I love you... Blue Tesseract....

DDI reported today, May 19th 2001, that its chief financier and high level aide Millard Providence Boil passed away. He was working late to complete an assignment called "vital...to the company's continued Internet viability" when he died, having finished a task unrelated to the vital assignment. Jimmy House called Millard "hard-working and very good at foot massages" and president F. Delzinko said, "This is a sad day for Delzinko's Dead, Inc. Millard Boil's death will have a huge impact on our company because he gave us all our money. Oh wait. He was broke. It doesn't really matter in that light, does it stockholders? To compensate for our loss of income, we'll be firing all our employees who actually know how to do their work." DDI stock is at an all time high of 4.

This is a somber occasion so we won't be pasting Todd and Chad's ugly mugs in. Instead, we'll say "We love you Millard!" That quote is also the link back to the front page!