This is Jimmy 'The House' House and when Fritz von Delzinko tried to tell Jimmy what to do with his important time, it goes without saying that the House was quite simply shocked and appalled. Delzinko's Dead Inc. is bleeding money like a ruptured super tanker? Then the House'll find another cash cow. What about your company loyalty, Mr. House? The House is loyal to himself alone. How about a bonus? Well, now the House is listening and, once listening, bringing his incredible creative skills to bear. Apparently, the head honcho, who is still breathlessly awaiting puberty, has decided that DDI needs to change its strategy to conform with a rapidly evolving marketplace. Well, Jimmy 'The Hizzouse' House says, "Damn the torpedoes and straight down the creek without paddles! Let the marketplace learn from the example of Delzinko's Dead Inc.!" However, that didn't discourage Fritz so the House isolated himself in his office with a computer and a notepad. Jimmy's only been playing Solitaire for two weeks and he is sick of it. Jimmy also forgot to grab a pen so he's been forced to set fire to the entire notepad in an attempt to communicate with future generations.

I almost considered looking at some of the papers on my desk marked 'URGENT' but inspiration dawned and the House's attention was blissfully redirected. On the opposite wall was a poster featuring the recycling triangle arrows, and the House knew that the best way to cash in is to recycle. Todd Delzinko, of course, didn't produce a whit of quality material so first Jimmy had to assemble a legacy to endlessly duplicate and resell. What's easiest to manufacture? The House didn't know offhand because every priceless thought that enters my head is utterly original and unseen in the world before. Research was called for so Jimmy called in The Faceless Employee, Herbert.

Herbert, whose name is not Herbert, told Jimmy all about this magnificent invention called 'television.' I got sick of Herbert's lip and smacked Herbert around a bit before deciding to watch television. The House is nothing if not compliant with a fresh new idea. The answer presented itself immediately: Todd Delzinko needed to produce a dance album. The remixing potential is limitless; the House salivates to think of all the free money available. With Herbert by his side, Jimmy began to assemble the materials necessary for Todd Delzinko to be the next hot boy band.

At this point, Herbert pointed out that most of the artists featured prominently as making money were very attractive people. This irked Jimmy to no end; being a paragon of physical beauty, I often forget that not everyone is as blessed in appearance as myself. After some consultation, Herbert decided that perhaps Todd Delzinko could fit the niche of 'exception that proves the rule.' It's our last, best hope.

All the work that required the steel trap mind of the House being done, I set about resuming my undefeated Freecell streak. I gave Herbert the menial and unimportant task of creating an album from scratch using only the extant recordings of Todd's voice, none of which even remotely resemble singing. The House is washing his hands of this whole endeavor; I'm an idea man. Obviously, Delzinko's Dead Inc. recognizes this since Jimmy 'Makin Money' House is vice-executive and The Faceless Employee is just that.

This is The Faceless Employee. In between cleaning because the janitorial staff was fired and answering the phones because the secretary was canned, I was given another assignment by vice-executive Jimmy House. He suggested a rather vague idea and left it entirely to me to assemble; such is the lot of The Faceless Employee. However, I decided to prove him wrong by doing the best job possible; it turned out Jimmy was right though.

First, I acquired every audio record of Todd Delzinko extant. It wasn't much: two answering machine recordings, a recitation of Ring of Fire, three conversations and a surprisingly lengthy rendition of Todd humming. These would be the blocks I formed beautiful music from.

Then I decided to skip the whole music making thing and just throw together whatever I could at the last minute. I made an album cover, using MS Paint because I don't have access to any of the executives' computer:

Then I wrote the songs. Only four of them have lyrics (rather, spoken words); the rest are instrumental and sound the way that perhaps Todd would have made them sound if he was still alive. Here are the lyrics (the bits I had to say for the song are in this color of red):

At this point, I quite frankly lost interest. Jimmy's forgotten all about it though so it's not like it really matters. I wonder what he'll say to Fritz when they have their meaning. It is kind of sad that my holy war on the undead was interrupted so I could try to exploit one of their number. Such is the lot... of The Faceless Employee.