What really lead to the deaths of Chad Waddell and Todd Delzinko?
Part 5
So our dual protagonists meet up and travel towards the realm of Death with nary an idea of their final destination. There fates are set, like those of a hero in a Meat Loaf song. No amount of begging or pleading could turn them from their course.
First stop:
Perched upon the brink of infinity, our heroes, the insufferable Todd and Waddell, pause to admire a fine piece of statuary. Like the small children they have the minds, they must crawl on and experience the object to truly appreciate it; after climbing onto the statue, the duo oberved that most astounding of visuals, Aurora Borealis. Each points to his favorite section and recites a mantra describing what that section resembles. Waddell sees a horsey and Delzinko sees a bottle of tequila.
Second stop:
Waddell and Delzinko ended up in front of some steps in front of a building of some sort with two uniformed police-type individuals. Todd is wearing a coat and Waddell is wearing his sweatshirt and backwards cap. Based on what we know, here is a possible police report:
Unit 5578 reporting in from the front of a building with some stairs leading into it, over. We've come into contact with two individuals that will probably be dead soon, over. These idiots don't appear to be a threat to anyone, over, so we'll let them go and let Nature take its course, over. Unit 5578 signing off and heading for the tub, over.
And so somehow, Chad and Todd get from here to the next stop.
The Last Stop. Forever:
Here they are. Dead. Probably.
DDI's sovereignty over delzinko.tripod.com is proven here, since Todd is very obviously dead, at least to the point that we could win in a court case. Also, the impostor in the hospital bed, currently on his way to a less expensive facility, supports our claim since we were philanthropic enough to care for an invalid who might have been Todd Delzinko. We firmly believe that Todd is gone!
The situation with Waddell is a bit trickier, since his eyes are open. However, after watching several horror movies, we are convinced that Waddell's demise might as well be ascertained from the picture. Our cause validated and our conjecture taken as gospel, DDI concludes this investigation with a few words from vice-executive Jimmy House.
I was sitting here looking over some financial documents I can't understand when the loser in charge of DDI's webpage asked me to write up another eulogy for the dead losers in the photos I was handed. I looked at the dead people and I laughed because they were losers and now they would never have the chance to acquire either the good taste or the debonair charm of the one and only House, Jimmy House. So I sat at my desk and I looked at the pictures and I looked at my wall and I looked at my overflowing inbox and I tried to dig deep down into the magnificent bounty of my soul and feel sorry for the dead people to write them another redundant tearful farewell, but no sympathy welled up in the House's heart. Since Jimmy House is one sensitive guy, he knew that there was something fundamentally wrong with the universe at this particular juncture. Then it dawned on the House: Todd Delzinko and Chad Waddell were the same person! So there was all this hullabaloo for two people when only one person passed on, and that one person was a liar, at that! The House is not happy with this turn of events. There will be a reckoning.
